There’s far too much tribalism in crypto. People should have a sense of humor and be able to laugh at themselves and the coins they support. So I thought it’d be fun to start some more light-hearted shit talk about each coin and their holders. As a disclaimer, I personally own 5 of the coins I list below, so not just trying to slam coins I don't support.You all are probably funnier than me, so add your smack talk in the comments.CryptoWhy it sucksBitcoinThe God you worship named Satoshi is so ashamed of his creation that he refuses to reveal his true identityEthereumMore like Efeereum, amirite?!TetherTrust us guys this coin totally isn’t a sham and is 100% backed by USD. Don’t worry we audited ourselves to confirm this completely true fact so obviously there’s no need to ask any further questionsNanoThat kid in school who thinks everyone hates him because he’s smarter than everyone else, but in reality he’s just really fucking annoyingUniswapPeople who think unicorns are cool are the same people who consistently talk about their patronus animal in casual conversationsCardanoWe’re a smart contract platform that doesn’t have smart contracts!PolkadotWe chose a cute name like Polkadot so when this project inevitably fails it’ll still retain some value as a meme shitcoinRippleplz be gentle daddy SECTheta CoinStill trying to decide who’s crazier, people who believe in Theta coin or the scientologists who believe in literal ThetansLitecoinLite on the use-cases, light on any feature development, lite on any logical reason for you to own this shitcoinStellarWe’re so cool that even our logo a rocket ship! It literally can’t go tits up!DogecoinOwners are too stupid to realize Elon is mocking them and getting off on playing puppet master with their walletsAlgorandHave you accepted Silvio Micali, MIT professor and winner of a Turing award, as your lord and savior?Bitcoin SVA great cryptocurrency, all-around solidEdit: Some additional ones I've been posting in the commentsCryptoWhy it sucksBATUsers so desperate for crypto they get excited to watch ads for penniesXMRUsers fail to realize that privacy doesn't matter since no one cares about you or what you do with your whopping 0.22 XMRMoonsThe crypto Redditors pray gains value so they can rationalize shitposting their life away.
Submitted March 25, 2021 at 04:13AM
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